Be Generous

BE GENEROUS WITH YOURSELF, AS GENEROUS AS YOU WOULD BE TO YOUR BEST                                                                               FRIEND.


I totally failed with the Calorie count.  For a few days I ate too little (something to cry about right? :)  I was eating healthy, but by the time I finished exercising at night I would need to eat at least 1,200 to 1,500 calories just to be around 1,300-1,500 calories a day.  Not healthy.  I must admit though, it's emotionally nice to be on this side of the battle. When I was in High School and my first year of college, I counted calories for school health projects, they both turned into disasters.

It's sad how distorted your view of yourself can be.  This was college, when I was so sure I was overweight.

I would feel guilty for eating something and then I would emotionally beat myself up and eat more.  I used food as punishment, to establish that I really wasn't worth it.  Here eat another donut.  You deserve the extra five pounds and the sick feeling in your stomach that unhealthy food gives you (it really does, too much sugar and starch make my body feel bleh.)

BUT  I am not that person anymore.  I may have small relapses... days where my demons come back to haunt me, but I've learned a better way and how to let them go.  I do my best to take the emotion and shame out of my food crimes.  Just take a deep breath and let it go.  And if I can't quit get there that day, then I make goals for the next day, and the next, and next.  I try to never give up on myself.  I will do better the next day.  Shame and self loathing are destructive and crippling.  Destroying the best in you will never create motivation to change for the better.  Be generous with yourself, as generous as you would be to your best friend.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:  Friday, I took a turn for the worse.  I did a serious no, no.  I worked out and then took off to get Asher and run a few errands... and I didn't bring any healthy snacks with me to make sure I was okay.  By the end of it all, three hours later, my blood sugar had seriously dropped.  I was ready for the pizza and cookies that I bought for the BYU football party we were going to have.  I think I still managed to be near my caloric intake goal... but it wasn't healthy.  But it was so good.  Warm and filling for a starving body.  It was going to be my one splurge day of the week... that's my goal, just one day during the week were I can splurge a little at dinner time.  Well, I failed.  I've had at least 2 splurge nights since I began with these new goals.  But I'm okay with it.  My idea is, that I'm practicing.  Just like I practice to run a few miles effectively, I'm practicing how to eat healthy, and I'm balancing the amount of calories my body really needs.  And, like I said up above.  It's okay.  Try to do better next time, but don't beat yourself up about it... the more you practice the better you'll get at it.

see, one day, he'll know how to play football.  It's baby steps.  It's practicing and balancing until you can learn and apply.