Tagged

Aiden, Isaac, Asher

I've been tagged.  Thanks Lynaea. It's true, there is no way my stubby little legs could have run fast enough away from you tagging me "IT".  And I  have to agree, being "IT" has all sorts of negative connotations.  And yet, I'm all sorts of excited to share, publicly, a quotient of who I am.  I think blogs and Facebook gave birth to Oscar Wilde's quotation... "One should always have something sensational to read on the train." ( The Importance of Being Ernest)  The only difference now is, instead of having a private journal to read on the train, we get to read everyone's private journals/thoughts/monologues everywhere and anywhere... it is quite sensational and satisfies a very human hunger, curiosity.... or is it connection?

love my boys

Five Things I’m Passionate About?  

1.  I am passionate about human relationships.  I am frequently working on being a better parent, wife, sister, daughter, person (key word is working, not arrived at and that's ok).  I believe, strongly, in the idea of good, better, best, never rest till good be better and better best.  It's a tricky balance, striving for better, and coming to terms with and loving yourself despite your 'worsts'.  I just love it, when other people love me despite my weaknesses... that's what makes a human relationship good.  Being loved and loving, despite and because of it all.  ( I think there's another Oscar Wilde quote for that).

Isaac wants to give a kiss and Aiden... well, let's just say  he has some trust issues

2.  Politics.  I'm passionate about maintaining freedom in our country.  I could say more, but it would be more than just a blog post, maybe even a blog dedicated to my beliefs.

I'm free!

3. Art and beauty... to me this encompasses all things that lift your spirit up and bring you joy.  Photography, Poetry, Dancing, anything well written, Painting, Music, quilting ( I don't but I appreciate others who do), sewing (once again, other people), a yummy loaf of homemade whole wheat bread (with honey and melted butter... butter's okay every once in a while, I'm pretty sure, and honey is in the Bible, so according to me its healthy qualities are irrefutable :) 

This tree is beautiful!

4.  BEING HEALTHY.  Of course, how could I not mention it on a blog about being healthy.  Actually, I would still... even if it was just because of where I am right now, this season of my life.  I love, love, love running and yoga (how can anyone not love yoga, I mean, I'm no long legged pretzel, but I sure do love the energy flow that yoga gives... it's spiritual in nature.)  When I had a swimming pool at my disposal I loved swimming, and when it was easy to get a group of people together to play ultimate Frisbee I loved ultimate Frisbee, just give me some endorphins please and I will love it.  But being healthy isn't just running and yoga/physical exercise.  It's going to counseling to help you heal from old wounds.  It's reading good books that help you to understand yourself, your husband, your children, and other people better. Being healthy, to me, is forgiving yourself and others... let it go (once again for me, it's a work in progress).  The healthiest thing you can do is know who you are, as a whole, and let that person be strong in it's own way, let that person be the best they can be.  And, I believe, the greatest definition of self, the one that helps us to love and understand ourselves and others better, is the divine definition of... I am a Child of God.  

run baby run

5.  My sister mentioned her relationship with God as something that she was passionate about.  I hate to say, me too! me too!.  But.  I will.  What she said resonates with me, 

"My relationship with God. It is tenuous sometimes. Since I can’t actually see or hear Him, and since life can be truly wanky and seem unjust, it is easy to doubt He exists (or is interested). But over the years, I’ve been consistently comforted and enabled by evidence of His love. Evidence that He’s present, invested, intimately—affectionately—aware."  Lynaea Brand  http://everydaybloom.com/tag/ 

I want to say, that's my journey too.  And, I know, that of everything that the world has to offer me, for comfort and strength, I have found nothing sweeter, more enabling, more pure, more powerful than the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.  

Five Things I Want to do Before I Die? 

climb a mountain

 1.  Find a way to recreate the literary event the Bronte sisters did.  I believe my sisters (and brothers) have the ability to create a literary magnum opus... If I doubt in anyone, it's myself.  I lack the concentration... but I know I have the ability if I just focus.  It's not impossible or improbable. 

hero pose

 2.  Find a way to heal my husband from Chronic Fatigue.   

3.  Be able to reach two inches beyond my toes when I'm stretching (cool metaphor right? stretching beyond what you think you can do.)  

just barely there

this may be an exaggeration of how far I used to be able to reach, it may have actually been my knees

4.  Raise my children to know who they are (Children of God) and to know they are strong and capable

so, so sweet

5.  Make food that's gourmet, exotic, fun, new, exciting just like on the Food Channel... or the perfect moist chocolate cake... or the perfect enchiladas.  

Five Things I Say A Lot? 

1.  Well, that was exciting (usually after something falls from the freezer, or any other mistakes or mishaps). 

that was an exciting hike mom... why are you taking more pics?

 2.  Do you know where..... 

 3.  It isn't something I say per se... it's more not remembering a particular word so I will I play an impromptu game of Taboo to see if anyone else can guess the missing word... they slip out so easily. 

4.  It's a bunch of silliness really.  

sweet and silly

5.  Talk to me like I'm talking to you please, I can't understand you when you talk that way.  (That's my kids, I use it ALL the time, it may not prevent the initial tantrum, but it nips it in the bud, usually... I often repeat it until they are talking the way I am (as calm as possible))

My stubborn sweet boy

Five Favorite Movies?  

1.  I recently watched the Red Baron and was really impressed with it.  I haven't been able to convince anyone else to watch it though.  Sad. 

2. Everything Jane Austen and Jane Eyre, I'm sorry Charlotte Bronte... Weathering Heights is just really really dark... it's a masterpiece, but it's dark.   

3.  Lagaan, I LOVE this movie. 

just watch the dancing, and then watch the movie.  Awesome!

 4.  Shadowlands, well anything to do with J.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis (yes, that includes, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, and any Narnian movies, no matter how poorly acted) 

5.  All of the Avenger movies + Spiderman.  I'm totally okay with our culture of Super Heroes.  Why? It's not the fantasy.  It's because we all want someone to save us, or have the power and ability to save ourselves and/or others.  We all seek after deliverance from the 'evils' of the world. 

 6.  I know there's more.  I, too, hate being an exclusionist.  Jackie Chan has some pretty cool movies.

 And The Power of One.

There could even be better than the ones I listed here, but my mind isn't remembering.  

I will tag
Marissa Compton http://atthesidewalksend.blogspot.com/2013/07/ode-to-melody.html
Melody Compton  http://thislittleaunt.wordpress.com/2013/07/28/2941/
Julie Compton Williams http://livesunfolding.blogspot.com/2013/05/april-25th-2005.html?spref=fb

Break the barrier

I ran 3 miles in 25 minutes (on the elliptical).  If I keep at it, I can reach my goal of 24 minutes soon... even 24:30 would be happy for me.  And, I would be pretty super happy if I could run 3 miles in 21 minutes... but... well.... It's very possible that I don't have any fast trigger muscles in my body.  I want to keep my goals realistic without smothering my ability to achieve improbabilities.  They used to think that nobody could break the record for running 1 mile in 4 minutes.  Either way.  As soon as 1 person broke the record, people started doing it all over the place, because the mental block of... it can't be done... was broken.  It could be done.  It took just one person to do the impossible, and pretty soon lot's of people were too.
I think that's a metaphor.  I think that's pretty awesome.  Be the one person to break the boundaries of impossible and make the improbable possible.

It's so easy to believe that Roger Bannister, is not hurting while he runs.  His legs have a liquid smooth stride. It could be easy to believe that his lungs, legs, stomach, head, toe nail aren't hurting.  He has trained for this, so he wouldn't hurt in the way you or I would... but I'm pretty sure that as easy as he makes this look... it isn't.  I think that is what makes us amazing, as humans, when we are hurting physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially, but we don't give up.  We don't sit down.  We don't call it in... even if we're dragging ourselves across the finish line, true beauty comes from moving forward despite everything that's pushing us back... that's what gives us strength and courage and force of will and character.

Weighting for Happiness

It's always bothered me a little bit, when in a commercial someone says... I lost (insert amount of weight) and now I am so much happier than I was before... when I was overweight.
My gut reaction has always been... happiness doesn't come in our body size, what a horrible thing to base all your happiness on... it's an unreliable variable to base any measure of your happiness on.  Do you have to wait to lose the weight before you can find happiness?  I don't think so.
Happiness, I believe, stems from health, not from weight, shape or size.
And there are so many ways to be healthy: physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and socially.... I'm sure there are others :)
I believe it takes a balance... that's why I love yoga so much, it physically teaches me how to balance my body, and inside I whisper a little prayer... please help this physical balance cross over into other areas of my life, help me to be a balanced person.
And just like in yoga, I believe that one area will spill into another area and either bolster or weaken the other areas of health, it may not be a crippling effect or even make it so that you are suddenly conqueror of your inner self.... but, it has an effect.

it's an awkward picture (I think it's the baggy shorts and angle of the camera... or I have short legs), but I'm balancing that's all that's important here.  :)

Saying that, I must admit that recently, after losing weight, I have found that my anxiety isn't as strong, my depression isn't a dark cloud over my shoulder, I feel strong and exuberant, my husband and I are getting along better.... I feel like I'm in a good place.  AND it isn't because I lost weight.  Losing weight didn't transform me, but being healthier did.  Losing weight was just a side benefit of choosing a healthier lifestyle. Eating better, exercise, (still working on sleeping well... what a transformation that could be), trying to be closer to God through scripture and prayer, playing with my children, cleaning, enjoying my husbands company more.  I mean it isn't perfect, please don't go all romantic on me and believe that I live in some dream world or an alternate reality.  My kids still poop every day and I help wipe them.  Josh is still sick with Chronic Fatigue etc etc.  The difference, the only difference is that I feel good, I feel happier and have this gut feeling that I am capable of doing crazy difficult things in life... I'm stronger than I was before.

I am happy with how I look.  When I took my after pictures, I thought I'm healthy and I'm happy with my appearance.  It isn't perfect, but I'm okay with that.  I will keep on working on losing weight, but not because I'm searching for more happiness or the perfect body... I'm going to do it just to see if I can, I want to reach the goal that I have set, so that I can feel the enjoyment of working hard and reaching my goals...

Glamorous ME.... well...

Me at 175-177lbs

Me at 160lbs

Taking pictures of just me was pretty awkward.  Isaac told me that next time we should all take pictures together.  I think I agree with him.  I needed somebody to play off of... I just didn't know what to do all by myself all on my own.  I'm pretty happy with my weight loss.  It's possible that I could have done this on my own but I believe that 1.  It would have taken A LOT longer  2.  It would have been more difficult... as in... instead of losing 12-14s in a few weeks, I would have been running around and working out with all that extra weight on my body... trying to run, trying to do Yoga Melt down, trying to keep up with Shed and Shred... and it would have been more difficult and maybe even a little discouraging... maybe even easier to cheat and eat in a way that wouldn't be good for my body.

Pretending to kiss Josh, as if he were in the picture with me, I really needed somebody else with me in the picture

sweet and sassy, cause I am sweet, but sassy

This is how I felt inside, the whole photo shoot, what do I do with my body!!!!

What I really like about this diet is that it's a gradual change and focus to being healthy... instead of tackling all the health changes we need to make, all it once, it does it in steps

*Step 1

Make the decision to get healthy  now and prepare yourself for the changes you'll need to make

Step 2 

Reach a Healthy Weight

(Take Shape for Life with Medifast is an amazing way to lose the weight and lose the weight fast)

Step 3

Transition to Healthy Eating

Transition from the Medifast meals to following the healthy guidelines of the Take Shape For Life on your own, talk to your free Health Coach to know how to balance the correct amount of calories for your lifestyle

And increase your physical activity

Step 4

Learn Habits of Health

Like how to sleep better

Develop a good support system to keep you on track

Continue your work on keeping in motion or exercise

Step 5 

Optimize Health for your age

You're walking or weight training at least 30 minutes a day (you can do more)

You're effectively managing stress and organization

Step 6

Living a longer, Healthier Life

You are reaching for Ultra Health

You are learning energy control

You are learning to protect brain function

And you continue working with your support system and your free health coach to reach ultimate health

*(this information was taken from the Habits of Health Lifestyle pamphlet)

Lori and Wayne's story

Lori and Wayne

For Wayne and I, our journey began with me walking out of the doctor’s office with a handful of prescriptions at age 49. All I could think was “If it’s this bad now, what will this be like in a few years?” I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, acid reflux, joint and muscle aches and pains, a fatty liver and a bad attitude. This wasn’t my first rodeo but I decided, one more time, it wouldn’t be my last. So I began searching for a way to make a change and started by trying to find a magic bullet, a lapband. Well, after listening in, doing the research and visiting the surgeon, I knew full well that lapband would only continue to perpetuate the need for me to be “full” to be okay. While the medical community, bless them, has looked for a method to “cure” obesity, they are seriously behind the eight ball. I knew it at that moment, and I know it now. I walked out of the surgeon’s office understanding that it really would have to come down to the hard work of the how’s and why’s of my eating as well as my willingness to embrace a lifestyle change. And yes, that sounds cliche I realize, but it is true.
I was still searching for the right thing (which actually just translates into procrastinating) when my sister introduced me to this program. At 246 pounds, 5'4" I took a step out in faith. I put one foot in front of the other, day in, day out, week in, week out. My husband was an accidental tourist in this journey and once he started losing weight as a byproduct of my changing eating habits, he jumped on program full force. So - 140 pounds between us gone. As a result of weight loss, my doctor was able to lower 3 different medications AND I am happy to say, 3 years later I just visited my physician’s office and my blood work is great and my blood pressure is perfect as a result of weight loss! What does this boil down to? Well, you know in your heart that there really is no magic bullet because if there were, Oprah would have it! Secondly, you also know in your heart it truly does have to come down to you and your willingness to step out in faith. The beautiful thing is, with the help of a health coach as this program offers, you have someone who has walked the walk, felt the struggles and will buddy up with you so you are never in it alone. Go ahead - take a step - I dare ya!
So who is going to take the dare?? : ) Dare to take back your health!!

Before and After's not so glamarous

Excited to lose more!

175-178

3 weeks later 163

Also, I realize these pictures are NOT great pictures.  My outfit with the bandana and bright blue pants... that's what I wear to go running inside or yoga inside... if it's cool enough it's my outside workout glam too...

what I need to do is actually dress up and look nice, but when I do it's usually because I'm going on a date with my husband and then I don't have time to stop and take a picture (why not?  I mean, before we were married we took pictures of ourselves having fun... but now.... let's keep our fun to ourselves?  let's just eek out some time, and picture time just ain't goin cut it?)  ah well.

Giving Up?

I will be giving up the diet for a few weeks, maybe a month.  We have a little cherished soul coming to visit who is intensely allergic to milk, eggs, watermelon and just a little bit to soy.  To help alleviate any chance that she could be harmed, we are banning the foods she is allergic to out of the house.  My diet is not compatible with her allergies and I happily give it up to keep her safe.  I'm hoping I'll still lose weight and can find a way to be healthy, cutting eggs and milk (even cooked or a trace of it) out of your diet eliminates A LOT of food.  :)  I'm actually a little bit excited to see how this change in the food I eat makes me feel.

In fact, I started to give up the diet a few days ago, I was flirting with cheating too much and I thought... instead of waste the food why not just stop now... you're about to change the diet anyway... I'll find a way to do what I'm doing on my own. (by the way, I have not lost weight this week, but I have maintained... it is amazing how quickly the wrong carbs or even too many carbs can effect your weight).

Well, I tried it.  And this is what I found.  I like how the diet makes me feel.  And, I can't find any other products that duplicate what Medi-fast does.  It's like the perfect combination of fiber, carbs and protein.  Just eating the food, and you lose weight... I can't think of any other food that you can eat that does the same thing.  Eat the food, loose weight.  And you feel good.  You feel good physically and you feel good emotionally because you're working towards your goals and accomplishing them.  Dropping weight is so NOT easy, but with this diet, it's easier.  I miss the food, I miss how it tastes, I don't really like the sugary foods that I've given up... I'd rather have their protein brownie than a really brownie (well, okay, maybe the Creamery's Mint Brownie could still persuade me, but I know I wouldn't feel 'good' after I ate it, it would be a temporary feel 'good' moment).  The few days that I've dropped the diet, I've found myself wanting to move back in that direction.  I like, maybe even love, this diet and the food I'm eating.  I'm a little, happily, surprised.

Running II and learning about resilience and love

I tried the same run again, this time without pushing a stroller or baby around.  And I made it much further... maybe three miles.  But this time, the sun, pavement, black top... and no vegetation... turned the run into the perfect oven.  Not to mention, I believe I started the run already dehydrated (I make excellent excuses, really the number one reason, is probably 1. Lack of planning and 2.  Out of shape... I mean I do have a shape, but it's not the sort of shape that allows me to run 3-4 miles without bumping into a few problems :).  At one point, I thought of the people, who through-out history, have been oppressed and forced to march in death marches, in the heat, without food or water... or precious little.  What is it, that allows one person to survive an ordeal like that and another to not survive?  Is it more than just physical stamina?  Is it emotional? Spiritual? Mental?  What keeps one person going?  And then another person just can't.  I knew I wasn't in the same sort of situation.  I wasn't going to do die.  But I was wondering what I was made out of, was I the type of person that can push forward and survive... can I do more than just survive and really live, truly live life... not just exist in the shadows and in between, almost living but half way asleep, too afraid, too tired, not able to love enough to be strong enough... or is it just tenacity?

I suppose life really isn't that dramatic for a lot of us (I believe).  That's not where we find our strength or weaknesses, it's more in the day to day living.  It's more about the days when we wake up, and for whatever reason, everything seems a little bit more difficult and trying to move in the direction we want to move or need to move is almost painful, giving up and hiding feels so much easier.  Strength is in the small choices we make... it's those small choices that lead to the bigger ones.  For instance, will I have one bite of chocolate cake?  Will that lead to another and another until I have made the decision to eat one whole slice, one whole cake all to myself.  It just started with one bite.  Or it's the difference between choosing to say something you know you'll regret... that first word, was the first choice, and takes you to that moment where you decided to say something you know you should not have... it takes you to hurting instead of healing, tearing down instead of edifying.  Small choices will always lead to the bigger choices, the momentous decisions, life altering even, in their course...

The best choice we can make, is to love ourselves enough.  I'm not talking about a self indulgent love, where we give ourselves what we want and when we want because we deserve it.  What I'm thinking about is a love where we accept ourselves, where we are, knowing that one day we will be who, what, and where we want to be.  For instance, since this is a blog about dieting and health, we may not have the body shape that we want right now, this very day.  Shame comes in all body types and shapes, unfortunately.  I believe, because we are ashamed, or dislike what our body looks like today, we with-hold love.  We cannot accept ourselves where we are right now and so we punish ourselves, we carry guilt and shame (why?), how many of us find ourselves motivated to make a change, when we keep on  hitting ourselves over the head with our deficiencies.  My thought is... I may not look and feel how I want to right now, but that's okay, I am still worth loving.  But this goes far beyond just how our bodies look.  What about that nasty temper?  Manipulation?  Not validating others enough (we all need a 3-1 ratio, 3 positive things to 1 negative everyday).  We may not be where we want to be, right now, right here, today.   But we are still worth loving.  We can still respect ourselves.  Especially knowing that right now is transitory, it isn't permanent, we are progressing, daily, through the small choices we make to become who we desire to become.  List the things you love about yourself.  There is no need for guilt or shame.  Right now, I'm not perfect, tomorrow I might not be either, but I'm going to work at loving myself and loving others.  So, that one choice, one act at a time, I become who I want to become inside and out.

What I'm made of and what I love about myself

1.  I'm a fighter... I have my days when giving in feels better then fighting... but, I still fight, even if it's imperfectly, I still push forward the best I can
2.  I love laughing and making others laugh
3.  I'm a budding brilliant cook (one day, it will be gourmet and not overflowing cake in the oven)
4.  I'm patriotic and I love freedom
5.  I'm passionate
6.  I love being a mother.  LOVE, being a mother
7.  I am creative and love exploring art, music, dance... anything beautiful
8.  I love nature, being a part of nature, whether that is exercising or gardening.
9.  I recognize my weaknesses, and while sometimes they can be overwhelming, I try not to allow them to overcome me(they don't own me), I will overcome them, through the help of the Savior and make weaknesses into strengths
10.  I love and I love to love, if I could I would heal the world with love.

These are the things that I will become (I will write it in the present tense)

1.  I know how to let go of the hurt others cause me, they probably didn't intend it and if they did I won't let them one by giving into it.  Why allow them to dictate how I feel and what I think about myself?
2.  I live every day fully and without fear
3.  I trust God and His ability to lead me
4.  I have confidence in myself and my ability to accomplish the impossible, especially with God's help.
5.  I know that my relationships are more important than being right or justified in my anger
6.  I know self control is healthier than indulgence in all aspects of my life
7.  I do not punish myself for my weaknesses, inabilities, or imperfections
8.  I have learned the balance of getting things done, being a mother, and being a friend
9.  I am scrupulously clean
10.  I allow others and things to be as they are, knowing that I can't make all the decisions and control everything for everyone.  I am flexible with imperfect outcomes.

running

The other day, I took my  kids out on a walk... in my AND1 ( I thouhght it was Andi, but it's AND 1)  sandals, and as I was walking I started imagining what it would feel like to go on a good run.  A long run.  In the Utah summer sun.  Through a canyon.  Along the mountains.  Up to Bridal Veil.  With my body strong, clean and clear.  The endorphins.   The feeling of accomplishing something difficult.  How I wanted to run, and run and run.  So.  I bought some running shoes.  I strapped Aiden into the bike stroller, I left the other two boys at home with Josh.  And I started to run.  It felt so good.  Plus, quite honestly, I feel pretty cool whenever I'm running and pushing my kids around in the stroller... can I say Rocky.

 ADRIAN!

I am one tough cookie, pushing all of Aiden's 24 lbs, plus the stroller.  So, I kept going.  I kept thinking... how about I run to... envision another quarter of a mile... here.  I'm still alive,... why not go just a little bit further.  Finally, about 2 miles away from home, my body decided to tell me that it had had enough.  In very plain terms it explained that 1.  I had not eaten enough to run this far on a hot, hot day.  2.  I had not run this far in a long, long time.   I wasn't huffing or puffing... my legs didn't feel great, but they weren't killing me... there just wasn't any energy there.  I remember the last time I felt like this.  I tried running from Bridal Veil in Provo Canyon to my home a few blocks away from BYU.  It was the middle of the summer, in the middle of the day.  It was hot.  We didn't bring enough water or anything for extra energy.... about 1/2 way home, our bodies would just stop.  And we would walk.  Then run for a bit (we had to get home eventually).  Then our bodies would just stop, almost involuntarily.  It felt exactly the same, but this time, I don't know if I had run over 2 miles before my body decided it had had enough.

The next day.  I hurt.  I complained almost every time I had to go up and down the stairs... I must like the attention (negative or positive, I mean who likes to hear someone complain?).  But secretly, deep down, I was kinda excited that my muscles were hurting, because it means I'm working and pushing them and that one day, I'll be stronger and healthier.  Which has been my goal all along.