Unpredictable control

I feel empowered by the idea that I need to strengthen my inner self and my outer self.  I like the idea that how I feel about myself on the inside can be an outer reflection of what I do and how I treat my body.  But, I also know we do not always have control over every aspect of our lives.  Illness and injury (or just life) can wreak havoc, create anxiety and depression, cause us to believe that we aren't worth while and beautiful, that we aren't powerful and able.  Or in other words, we may not always be able to control how we look on the outside.  I believe that's one of the reasons we should not base our confidence on our appearance, it's subject to too many different variables.  So, it would seem that focusing on who we are inside and loving and embracing ourselves would create more confidence/peace/ and love. (I believe part of embracing ourselves is loving ourselves enough to accept who we are perfections and imperfections, but also loving ourselves enough to allow change, progression, and growth). On the flip side, we don't always have control of what happens to our minds.  My grandma suffers from dementia.  She can't develop her inside being anymore. We don't always have control over those things that make us healthy.  The last thing we should do is feel guilty about it or judge others for it.  But I do believe that you should do the best you can with whatever you have and that is what brings a sense of peace and that's why you should do it.  Inner peace, self love, acceptance, loving others better because you aren't beating up on yourself all the time, a sense of wholeness or health, strength and ability... those rewards are worth the battle to become as healthy as you are personally able.  When we do our best without comparing ourselves or belittling ourselves... remember we are strong and able, powerful to make a change, beautiful and intelligent... we are super beings, divine beings with limitless potential.  Let's embrace that.

Empowering my inner self

I have come to this belief that what we change on the inside is much more powerful than what we change on the outside.  But, I'm also coming to the belief that it's possible that if our outside does not reflect what we feel about ourselves on the inside, in a positive way, then we struggle emotionally.  I believe that we are happiest when we are healthiest, as a whole... when on the inside we believe that we are beautiful, strong, capable of achieving our dreams and goals, making a positive change in the world we come to accept and love ourselves and others better.  We are all amazing people in all sorts of different ways... and when that inside light is a true reflection of our beliefs on the outside it may be easier to find peace with yourself.  I'm not talking about perfection here.  I'm not saying you should be perfect on the inside and perfect on the outside, I'm saying you should be a true reflection of yourself with all your perfections and imperfections. Inside and Out.  Knowing who you are and who you want to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and socially and then working for those goals as a whole, brings satisfaction.  I'm coming to believe that. 



                                                 

I didn't actually watch all of the video below, but what I did listen to I mostly agreed with.  I understand that it could sound a little zenny/yogaese strange sounding talk (like the video above), but the ideas behind it are pretty powerful.  I think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-D_YzQYGzM

This link was one of my favorite videos, but I couldn't find it via the blog to post it here.  One of the most impressive things, I believe, that she says is that although she had worked hard to become thin and healthy she still wasn't happy once she had arrived.  She needed to work on how she felt about herself on the inside just as much as she did on the outside.  I love her ideas of working out using mantras to remind ourselves that we are able to make a change, we are powerful and strong, we are beautiful and intelligent, we can achieve our goals and dreams... seriously, it's awesome.  And then to do that with a group of people, I think could be powerful too.  I always felt a connection to those people I have worked with ie: weight training classes, Cross Country, Track, and Choir.  We have the ability to feed off of one another's positive energy and grow from it.

PS

Also, the reflection of inner and outer self is a personal thing.  I know that some aspects of my body will never be the same because of child birth, that should be celebrated, it shouldn't be something to be ashamed of.  But when I look in the mirror and can see that I'm taking care of myself, because I love myself inside and out... that's what feels good.  I don't have it down pat.  I do have days where I struggle.  I do have doubts and insecurities, but that's okay because I'm working towards something that's healthier.

24:29

So, there I was.  I was tired.  I didn't want to run hard.  A relaxing run would be nice, something that pushed me a little, but not too much.  But sometimes, it's hard not to try a little harder, go a little faster, especially when I see my time and mileage constantly.  I try not to look, I don't want to feel the minutes and inches go by, but somehow I'm still transfixed by the numbers.  .6 miles, 5:45 minutes, 60 calories burned...maybe running at 6.5 rotations per minute is not fast enough.  I know it's not fast enough to beat my goal.  I'm running around a 9 minute mile, which means I'll probably finish the run around 25-27 minutes.  I thought I was doing better than that.  I feel irritated, but I keep on running.  I try running even faster.  My muscles ache, especially my quads and my calves, but I remind myself to ignore it, take your mind out of the pain, enjoy the movement, enjoy the adrenaline and the endorphins, enjoy the battle between mind and body... it creates tension, but when you win, it makes you feel powerful.  Now I'm at a 1.5 miles, somewhere around 14:00 minutes, and 150 calories burned... I know I'm not going to make it... I'm running so much slower than what I had calculated, what I thought I was doing... I was so sure that at 7-7.5 rotations per minute I would be able to run this baby faster then ever before.  I did a quick calculation, I didn't think I could do it... I wouldn't be able to reach my goal of 3 miles under 25 minutes.  Why push myself more, when I already hurt.  The pain wouldn't lead me to victory :) .  In Spanish I would say, "No vale la pena."  The pain is not worth it.  Why not just enjoy the run at a more leisurely pace?  I wavered.  A small voice, or gut feeling told me, "Don't let your mind push you out of the battle.  Listen to your body.  It wants to run.  Don't slow down.  Just keep the pace.  Just keep going.  Miracles happen."  So, I did.  I kept running at 7-7.5 rotations... sometimes 8.0.  Finally, I was at 2.6 miles.  I had so much more time left, before I reached 24 minutes... more time than I have ever had before.  If I could have, I would have jumped up and clicked my heels in the air, I could do this.  I was like a toddler chasing after a freshly opened bag of candy.  I got it.  I can do this.  I ran faster.  My lungs were sucking in the air, but still not getting quite enough.  Don't give up, don't give up you're almost there.  2.9 miles... just .1 miles left almost at 24:00 minutes.  I ran even faster.  I have to make this.  I have to.  I watch the seconds slip by... each one not bringing the barometer to 3.0.  I'm not sure I'm going to make it.  I have to.  24:25... only half a minute left... the last time I was here... it didn't change until 25:00 minutes on the dot. I'm all out at 8.5 and above rotations per minute.  I can't lose again.  Faster!  And then, the miracle happened.  24:29 seconds, 3 miles and 300 calories.  I finally PRd.  PHS.  Buckaroos.  Fellow Cross Country runners.  Past running partners.  I did it.  All along, I was fast enough.  I just didn't believe it when I was younger.   Now, I know that I do have some fast twitch muscles in my body after all and that a little extra weight won't necessarily slow you down.  Those were my two main excuses in High School.  Body Weight and no fast twitch muscle (the muscles that give you speed for sprinting). All Conquered now.

Technically, I know I need a picture on this blog.  It's so hard to take pictures of me exercising, something about the logistics of it all... running and taking a picture of myself.  I'm brainstorming for what sorts of pictures I should be putting on here.  Me caressing the squeaky elliptical.  Me dripping sweat with my face burning a sweet cherry red (remember that?, I try not to)...  I guess it's supposed to be real, not perfect.  Gotta think of something.

Red Baron

uhm, so I re-watched the Red Baron and I missed some things that I didn't see before. 1. It doesn't flow really well, the flow of the movie jumps around a bit and gets confusing 2. There's a part I fast forwarded through, so I missed the prostitutes at the brothel...(it went something like this...oh, they're going to a brothel, I better fast forward this part before it gets all Moulin Rouge on me) 3. Swear words. I always here them better after I recommend a movie to someone else and then I re-watch it. Sad, but true.  I still love the character... the Red Baron. It's easy to think, that he was on the wrong side of the war, knocked down 100's of planes and was therefore evil, when in fact, by the end of the movie, he was a man who stood up for his values, even when it was risky... he never shot to kill, just to down a plane. He knew war was bloody, but believed in being a gentlemen still... anyway... I had no idea he was so likable.  I would like to see another movie, that doesn't have lingerie and flows well together and less swearing please.  :)