Confessions of the Day

I went to Oregon for a weekend to celebrate with my sister on her wedding day.  It was beautiful.  It was awesome.  But MAAAN the food was so heavy, but delicious.  Maybe it was the Fast Food on the way there and back that made everything seem heavier.  When I came back, my schedule felt so off kilter and my body was feeling heavyish from all the food... I mean, I tried to eat the wedding cake, but it was so sugary I couldn't.   Which is funny, because I could eat the chocolate covered strawberries and the cream puffs (especially if I put a homegrown blueberry inside of it).  Delicious.  I have to admit, when I came home I felt a little depressed, a little directionless.  I knew I needed to start exercising again (it's so hard to keep up the routine when you're on vacation, I mean I did go on one killer walk with my sisters and my brother in law Frank... a walk that made strange muscles on my legs, really, really sore... more importantly though, I loved having a good conversation with them).  I will also admit that by Tuesday, I was feeling so out of sorts, I tried to devour a bag of Peppermint Patties (I failed, too much sugar again, but I made on valiant effort :)... and I thought... I might was well start my diet back up before things go too out of hand.
By last Saturday, I just needed to have a run, up in the Canyon... it's so beautiful up there.  It was awesome! The next day, my back hurt, really, really bad,  I have an old back injury, were the padding between my spinal chords likes to squish out, causing all sorts of pain.  My solution.  Yoga and rest.  It's better now.  But not perfect yet.  I also, made the goal to start exercising earlier in the morning.   I told Josh before going to bed about my plans.  That morning, and the next and the next my kids either woke up earlier or didn't sleep all night.  Last night, I told Josh I wasn't going to wake up earlier to work out.  The kiddoes slept in and slept all night.  Unfortunately, so did I.  I was trying to trick the fates or my kids, but in the end I couldn't convince myself to wake up.  I'm not giving up yet though, I realize now that I have to be stealthy about it.
Later in the week, I had some sort of crash, I'm not sure what it was.  But my body felt like lead.  My brain felt dizzy and foggy, I went off the diet to make sure I was getting enough food.  Nothing changed.  I bought some Dr.  Christopher Herbs and I started feeling better, it was a detox for the liver and improvement for brain function herb collaboration.... exercise is back on the table.

I am choosing to share these struggles with you because I know nothing runs perfectly.  I have ideals and I work for them, loving myself inside out... but I also have days where it's just poopy, and devouring a bag of peppermint patties seems like a good way to enhance the joy of my pity party... I'm not perfect.   I don't love myself every day.  But I strive to.  And I strive to live in a way that will enhance my health and my joy inside and out.

As I said, I went back on the Get Fit For Life Program. And I'm losing weight. 5lbs in one week.  While I was off of it, I lost 6 more pounds and was enjoying running (about 1 month).  Why is this important?  Not because I'm getting skinnier or healthier.  I am glad to be healthier.  It's nice to see a thinner me (although imperfect still).  But mostly, it's empowering to make and achieve healthy goals.  I am also NOT starving myself at all.  I have 4-6 medi fast meals (|I know it's more than the recommended amount but I'm not going to starve myself, if I'm seriously hungry I am going to eat)  and two healthy meals with lots of veggies and a lean (or as close to lean) meat.  I feel good on this diet, eating in this modified way.

P.S.  If I was talking just about family and what an amazing event my sister's wedding was, this conversations would have been completely different.  But here, I'm talking about health, thus food. :)