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| Finished (sorry for the repeat pics they are all I have of the race) |
I might have slept five hours, it could also have been three, but by 4:50 am, no matter how tightly I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself to sleep, the pounding of my heart seemed to pry away the dreams and any of the Sandman's diligent work. I rationalized that maybe a warm shower would calm me down. Maybe if I got all ready, make-up and costume in place... then I could go back to sleep. Of course, what really happened was that I was mostly ready on time... just a few minutes behind schedule. It's probably a good thing I couldn't sleep or I might have been seriously late. ( I blame all my tardiness on ADD. I need something to explain it away.)
As soon as I left the front door, the cold smacked me upside the face and blew a chill all over my body. So, so cold! My costume was as efficient as paper macrame at keeping the cold out. I hate being cold. My hope was that the rising sun would make everything better..
When we arrived at Tanner and Rachel's, Tanner and his father were still getting ready, which justified my tendency to be late, even if I am late, someone else is usually even later, so... I'm good.
The drive over to the pick up point was pleasant and when we arrived, I felt a continuous bubbling of excitement! I found myself chuckling out loud at all the different costumes and was amazed at what some people were going to be running in. I saw one man dressed up in full Samurai regalia, a girl dressed up like Jase from Duck Dynasty, another older man dressed up in a tutu, tiara and hitting on older women... when I say older, I mean older than me... and much more nakedness than I would have supposed in such in-climate weather (men in women's lingerie). I wasn't judging them, but I am just so not comfortable with other people's lack of clothing... my instinct is to... LOOK AWAY!!!! LOOK AWAY!!!! or RUN AWAY!!!! RUN AWAY!!! At one point, during the race, I thought we must have looked like one huge frat party running away from the police... how else would you explain 5,000 people running around in such bizarre costumes? I don't know if the excuse of Halloween explains it either.
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| we started near this lake, closer to the mountains |
We all loaded onto an old school bus, which brought back old High School feelings riding around to Cross-Country meets... which wasn't unpleasant. Thinking of High School and running always reminds me of my friend Stephanie Flatt (I"m sorry if I spelled it wrong, my mind doesn't work) who passed away before my 11th grade year. I frequently remember the race that I ran for her. I began that race, so long ago, sobbing and unable to breath. I wrote her name on my arm to dedicate one more race to her and all the others who passed away during my 3 years of High School.
The ride up was freezing, I'm not sure why, but some of the windows were down even though outside it was high 30's or low 40's... seriously, all I wanted was to be warm before the race started. Unfortunately not everyone was of the same frame of mind. Luckily, the conversations on the bus were entertaining enough to distract me from paying attention to my freezingness.
Actually, I couldn't help but listen to the conversation of those who were around me and soon realized that the three girls next to me had never run more than 3-5 miles... and that they had only done that recently and once in the past few weeks... it made me feel more comfortable with where I was. At least, I wasn't the only one in the crazy boat. At least I had run 9 miles in the past few weeks, even if I hadn't run since then.
When we got to the top of the Canyon we could see the Valley below and the Lake beside us. Steam was rising from the lake and river, my breath blew out fog... it was cold. We lined up for the porta-potty, I couldn't believe how many were there and how long the lines were. In line I decided I didn't want to be cold anymore so I added one more layer of clothing that I had brought... my shorts... and of course, it made all the difference! But not really.
Later, Tanner sacrificed his gloves for me. Rachel, you've got a gentleman! :)
For the race they had shut down 1/2 of the freeway, the two lanes going back down into the Canyon. When we dropped off our bags of clothing I lost Tanner and his dad in the crowd. So, I wandered aimlessly towards the beginning, shying away from any official looking cameras. I was so grateful to find a friend from Pendleton running there too! (Jordan Arbogast) There's nothing like an old friend to boost your spirits. She was running faster than I though, so after the gun shot into the air to start the race I didn't see her for very long.
Usually, the starting line is the worst for me, so often I find myself anxious, with my heart pounding. I thought the firing of the gun, would make me jump and rattle my nerves but it didn't at all. In fact, the beginning was a bit anti-climatic, we were so stuffed full of people that we couldn't even run for a few minutes. When I started running though, it felt delicious, cool and smooth, clean with a strong stride.... and I was being passed by hundreds. I tried not to let it bother me. I tried to keep my running energy efficient and collected. In the past, when I've been passed it's felt like an energy zap, as if they took it with them as they go zipping by. I couldn't let that happen, so I mentally guarded my energy.
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| this is near where I felt my second wind... so beautiful! |
The first two miles were awesome. Except I was already getting hungry. I was so ready to try out some of the marathon energy foods I had heard so much about and was vaguely disappointed when all they had was Gatorade and water. Maybe the next station would have some? After the first two miles, I felt cold and wobbly like I had just worked out doing one of Jillian Michael's hard core workouts after sitting on the coach for a few weeks. It wasn't long before my body was trembling and I was starving, and all I wanted was to chase the sun down so I could get out of the cold mountain shadows and find food to eat. I hadn't eaten for a few hours and my body was certainly reminding me. Another 2 miles down and another station with no food and this time only water. I guess it's the consequences of being a slow runner... everything good is gone. I was disappointed, I really wanted to have at least a few carbs to give me some energy. I hoped that maybe the next one, or the station in the middle of the race will have some food but each station only brings disappointment... just water. My body feels light, airy and weak. But somehow, I take my mind out of the woozy feeling and am able to push through it. In fact, I hit a second wind and I'm able to move my body faster than I thought possible. I surprised myself when I passed the guy with the 2 hour and 45 minute marker, was it possible that I could run it even faster than that? But it only lasted for a while between miles 6 and 8, when my body started to go capoot. Next time, I'll be sure to bring my own food.
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| Bridal Veil, about five more miles to the end. |
When I reached the station between miles 8-9, I was so hungry and so discouraged to find that there wasn't any Gatorade or food. I expressed my concern to one of the helpers, and I'm hoping I don't sound whiny... "I"m so hungry!" I gasped out. They immediately offered a banana and other food that they had brought along in their car. I was torn between hunger and not wishing to impolitely take other people's food and allowing them to do something kind for someone else (yes, allowing other people to serve you is a good thing???? right?).... I was so grateful for the banana and to the people who gave it to me. It gave me some of the energy that I needed... but I'm soon to find out that I really needed to be drinking more water and that because I didn't finish my training... my legs were going to pay. Between miles 10-13 (probably my slowest miles) my legs hurt so bad, burning in my muscles, burning in my bones. I stop and stretch, it helps for a while. At least, it isn't cold anymore and the sun is shining brightly through the autumn leaves. Everything is lit with a golden light. Somewhere in the midst of all this, even in all the pain that I'm in, I realize how much I love running. I realize how much I love pushing through the pain... it's a moment like joy in the midst of insanity.
For a while, I've been playing a game of 'leap frog' where I pass a runner and then they pass me. It was comforting to see people and costumes that I recognize. It was comforting that I am running with people who are at the same level of expertise. But what I really wanted, for a few miles now, is a friend, someone that I can casually start running with, someone, without being creepy, and without saying anything to... that will, because of mutual fatigue and pain, connect with me. And if we started running together we could create a rhythm and carry each other through the rest of the race. It's a crazy cool synergy that I have stumbled upon with other running friends before, it would almost be like salvation to find such a soul right now in the middle of a lonely race. Maybe I should have spoken out loud what I wanted. Maybe I was creepy. It never seemed to work. I would, because I was trying hard not to be too creepy, either pass them or they would pass me.
Each mile marker I started to celebrate, one more mile down, just a few more to go. The guy with the 2 hour and 45 minute marker passed me and I felt devastated. I wasn't going to run faster than he today. I didn't even know if I could keep up with him anymore, but, I pushed myself anyway, deciding that not finishing at that time would be worse than the pain I was feeling. Another girl that I kept passing and being passed by cried out too! "I gotta keep up with you and I don't think I can!" she said. He encouraged us to keep up with him, he was an older gentleman type, grandfatherly. I finally had someone to run with, but it only lasted a few moments because walking towards me was a strange group of people coming to cheer runners on... one of them carrying a baby...
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| Thank goodness for Tanner and Co. helping me finish the race! |
I was almost to them when I realized it was my sister in law Rachel, her sister in law, and her husband Tanner. They cheered me on, telling me that the end of the race was just around the corner. Tanner started to run with me. It was uplifting to be told how close the end was and to have family and friends and strangers pushing me on to the finish. What a rush! At the finish line I inhaled an apple! They finally had food and Rachel showered me with praise for finishing the race... and all I could think about was how much I hurt and how out of shape I was...
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| I love her enthusiasm! |
Luckily for me, she decided to knock some sense into my oxygen deprived brain. She basically said, and I paraphrase here, "Are you crazy! Do you know what you just did? And how amazing that was! Don't sell yourself short! That was awesome! You're awesome!" Thank goodness for other people helping to validate you and helping you to realize the amazing things that you do.... It would have been so easy to brush my accomplishment aside because I was disappointed that I didn't finish with more grace and speed. Unfortunately, Josh, Asher, Isaac and Aiden didn't make it there in time to see the end, but they were very impressed with the shiny medal with a skull and cross bones they gave me. Somehow, they knew that shiny medals were significant, and that what mommy had done was pretty darn cool because of it. I am grateful for the opportunity that I had to finish my goals. It may not have been how I wanted it to be. But I did it and I didn't even have to walk or crawl across the finish line... it was more of a slog, but it was definitely a movement like running. My back is still hurting (not from the race)and I'm having a hard time, finding time to go running. That's what happens when your exercise rhythm gets thrown off I guess, but I'm not giving up. And I'm excited to run another 1/2 marathon in the spring... or sooner, if I can.
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| So lucky to have my boys with me! |
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